There is an outer and an inner silence. Acem's retreat center Lundsholm offers both. What is it like?
I sit in bed in my room in Sjögården at Lundsholm and meditate. I try as well as I can to let my attention rest on the meditation sound while much else is buzzing around in my head. Thoughts and memories come and go. The ice on Lake Mangen tempts me to go skating, I think. Someone has cleared a skating track across the whole lake, all the way to Mangskog Church.
Then my thoughts go to my childhood, when my father took me to speed skating championships at Bislett in Oslo. A good memory, 25,000 people cheering. I feel the loss of my father, who died suddenly when I was 18 years old. Then I think of the fact that I actually skated in a competition at Bislett myself when I was 13. I did not win, but I am proud to have competed there. Bislett was once the Mecca of speed skating.
My thoughts move on to the illness I have had, which has made my bones weaker. It is a little sad to think that my body may not be able to skate now because my balance is a little worse. And so the associations continue.
The wandering of thoughts is stimulated when the brain rests during meditation. Flashes of memory about life events in both the past and the present. What slows the free wandering of thought takes a break during meditation. Control eases a little, and impulses are allowed to flow more freely than usual. A weaving together of everyday events, bodily tensions we become aware of, and perhaps some episodes from more distant areas of the brain.
It is fascinating because it is so spontaneous. No thoughts or events I have decided to think about - they simply appear while the meditation sound is repeated. Processing of residues and hangups, as well as creativity released and allowed to bloom for a little while.
The room has beautiful, calming colors on the walls, floor and ceiling. The curtains create a good meditative atmosphere. The windows are large and can be opened in different ways. A fine view over the lake or towards the rolling farmland. It is winter outside: cold, dark, strong wind and a lot of snow. It is quiet in the room. Yes, so quiet that you cannot hear anything either from the neighboring room or from the corridor.
You really have the feeling that you are alone with yourself; with your thoughts, memories, feelings and experiences. Alone in the cell, almost as in a monastery. But you know that it is the same in all 29 rooms. People are meditating.
Cultivating silence is the purpose of deepening meditations. There is an outer and an inner silence. The outer silence is the absence of noise and disturbances. At Lundsholm the outer silence is palpable. What you hear may be the wind moving across the lake or some occasional sound from a chainsaw in the distance.
Otherwise nature rests quietly and comfortably. From time to time you can hear the cranes calling. The inner silence is perceived more as a kind of dimension in me. A current we approach more and more the longer the meditation sessions become. As the stream of thoughts becomes quiet or weaker, the silence is more present. It embraces you in a way. It is a warming feeling that comes when you sit there.
Before the meditation I have walked on Lundsholm's own beautiful path. It runs along the fields on one side and the lake on the other. The morning sun appears above the treetops and creates a beautiful and warming light. I enjoy feeling the sun even though it is the middle of winter. From the hill on the other side of the field there is a view in all directions. South and west towards Mangen and the forests.
To the north I see all the Lundsholm buildings in perspective. To the east lies the beautiful neighboring property on a point of land. And today four deer jumped across the path right in front of me. They like to be on our field.
You become more visible, more present in nature when you have done long meditations. The ability to be here and now improves. I hear, smell and sense better when I am in nature.
In meditation, our ability to take in the more peripheral impulses at the edges of consciousness increases. The inner sensitivity increases when we meditate a lot. It is maintained when we leave meditation for a while and go out into nature. The ability to take things in increases. It becomes a richer experience.
Then back to my room to continue allowing the nuances in consciousness. A light and free repetition of the meditation sound shows the way during the next twenty-four hours. It is with both joyful expectations and a little worry that I sit back down in bed.
Thor Udenæs
Private investor. Meditation teacher in Acem.